December

It feels as if I’m stuck in time. Like it doesn’t flow, it’s not going on, it stands still in a room. I seem to get older but the moments are all the same, they seem to have the same smell and air. Life goes on, but somehow, I don’t feel it does. I don’t feel that I’ve moved on from everything. I’m still a sad lonely little girl waiting for a hug. I’m still that lonely adolescent craving for a kiss and I’m a young woman yearning for some company. So you see… after I cried and begged for time to stop taking everything that I ever held dear, now it has stopped and I find myself in the same place over and over again. Like those Escher painting where it doesn’t matter how fast you walk, you’ll end up in the same place. I’m still here, waiting, craving and yearning. No one has arrived. Time stands so still when I’m around, like it’s scared I might do something. Life seems to have been taken away from me for a strange reason. Because I wanted? Because I asked. There I was waiting to make myself someone else’s, but time slowed down, making it impossible to reach him. Time passed around him, he grew old, he changed. I did too. But I’m still stuck on the same moment. His image is still there, but he left a long time ago. Such a long time ago. Because, you see, time doesn’t go by around me, but I see go by around everybody else. I see everyone growing up, moving on, moving out. I need to wake up.

Crap. Damn holidays. They always get the worst of me.

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2 thoughts on “December

  1. It’s the law of the eternal return, you know. It is as bad as you let it be. Looking at the bad things it will suck bad, but maybe if you look in the other hand, you will find that you still keep much valuable things.

    A hug. It would be nice to know that these words have some echo inside you.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_Return

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